Inner Child

Starting in my 30s, I began the journey of developing my own healthy Inner Adult. At first, I resented taking on a parenting job that should have been done by my father and mother. I felt that I had been an adult all of my life, taking care of my parents’ disowned needs and protecting my sisters. I perceived that I had been robbed of my childhood, and now I was being asked to be a parent again, this time to myself. When would the time ever come for someone to take care of me and be interested in what I needed? However, there was no one else to do the job. My Inner Child was wounded and bleeding. I cared about her so I signed on, willing to build a personal relationship with her.

I remember journaling to get in touch with my Inner Child’s feelings. In my first communication, she told me that she thought that I was very boring and that spending time with anyone else would be more exciting than spending time with me. She said that she felt completely alone in this life. Even when we were together, she felt disconnected from the whole world and experienced that no one knew or cared if she was dead or alive.

As one looks further into bingeing, there is a desperation about it. When I am reaching for M&Ms it is to give myself something I want NOW as I am not getting positive feedback from the outside world or myself that is telling me that I am loved or that I am good enough in some way. Therefore, I am not feeling connected to good thoughts and I am often depending on getting them from the outside world. It is important to learn that when this is happening, we are usually being triggered back to a childlike state that is really desiring to receive some positive feedback from a parent. Since most of us didn’t get that in our childhood,

A few days ago I realized that I was feeling so nervous and anxious inside. I had been for a few days. I inquired inwardly to see if something was going on with me relationally, emotionally, or was I picking up something from the greater collective? Whatever it was my body was letting me know that something wasn’t right. The unknown is the hardest thing for all of us eaters. Food is my old way to calm these uncomfortable feelings. Although I don’t gain weight from food any more I still need to handle anxiety when it comes up in the ebb and flow of my life. Are you feeling anxious lately? Are you needing the NURTURING MOTHER inside of